still remembering...

I have just watched the National Memorial Day concert...when the young lady sang "Pie Jesu." the tears warmly fell across my cheeks. She sang in gratitude and memory for all those who have fought and are fighting in Iraq and Afghanistan...I wonder if we don't, consciously or unconsciously decide what we choose to remember, and what to forget.

Memory is a gift, which at times we are the givers, and at other times receiver.

I remember...

It was in 4th Grade where I memorized my first patriotic poem
"Hats off, along the street there comes,
a ruffle of music, the sound of drums...
A flash of color beneath the skies
Hats off, the flag is passing by."
In those days we always went and sat on the curb, in front of Ida and Bessie Knox house.
And as the flag passed by we would stand and salute. We loved the parades, and as a family we paused to remember...How times have changed,,,

do you remember??

On this Memorial Day weekend I have thought about things we remember, and those things which we forget...I can remember Phyllis and I having a discussion at dinner one evening at the Stone House in Dedham where we lived on the third floor about 'memory' She asked me what the earliest memory I had? and I told her that I remembered being 3 years old and how I enjoyed sleeping on the bathroom floor! (I was destined) and she said that she could not think that far back in her childhood.

She marveled through the years how MUCH I could remember! i always thought her to be very intellectually smarter than I was. She said as we continued our discussion, that she would get an IQ test from school and we would both take it and see. I felt embarrassed when the scores on the test showed that I had a higher IQ! I fidgeted and said, I didn't believe in tests...This discussion was ongoing, as we awaited our first born child, and like all parents we wondered!!

I also wonder why it is that we learn life's lessons through LOSS or difficult moments, and not when we have succeeded or everything is going right? My father and mother have always marveled at my memory...but they had a child with a photographic memory...

Things I have learned from you Dad

Something you said to me when you were sick, Dad, I have remembered during these long days and nights. You wished that others could understand what you were 'feeling.' when you would respond to me and others "I'm fine." it was your way of telling me how sick you were feeling, but you said to me that you were tired of thinking about and talking about it." In an email written late at night, you thanked me for understanding this need.

At that time, I didn't understand as I should have, but now I do. When one "knows" the problem, one can choose to know how you will deal with this...when one doesn't know, it creates other problems, which brings to the not feeling good person, more battles. One night when I was sitting with you at the Hospital so Mother and Philip could rest, you sang in your weariness"nobody knows the trouble I've seen." we laughed and joked about that unexpected concert...but it was true.

I received from you and mother, an ability to 'listen' to what is said and unsaid...thank you for that.
Though we had our times of it...I always knew of your unconditonal love...and I miss you.. I miss hearing you tell me "i'm fine" and understand the reason why you said it...I love you...

special people at church

Where is your faith?????

Since suffering a stroke in the fall,'06, i have not felt 'well" and I have been attended to by nearly 8 Drs. They all have promised me that "I will find the problem and make you well" and when I would begin to tell them the symptoms I suffered with each day, they knew better than I. thousands of dollars have been spent on such Drs. as they all referred me to other drs. and then disagreed to the latter's actions or decisions.

I have been asked hundreds of times, 'WHERE IS YOUR FAITH???" by family and friends, to the point where I was slowly but surely losing a grip. Not only did I come to feel that I didn't have my marbles all in a row, but I have come to realize that I don't know where the marbles are!!!' Last week I had what all these Drs. agreed on, you must have this biopsy...only to be told "it was inconclusive."

One DR> even was telling people "i can find nothing physically wrong." nicely saying it's all in his head... I must make a decision - whether to keep looking for a Dr. who will listen to my words and my silences, and will not dismiss me as a nut case in this State of the fruits and the nuts.

I have found this faith, and have decided that I shall pray to the Healer, that His Will, not mine, be done...and with His Healing shall come the answer to the dilemma...It is time for me to 'walk the talk"...

Dilly's lesson

Next door to the Church in Bainbridge, NY was a Grand Union. Phyllis and I loved not having to drive to get groceries. Charlie was the manager, and one Christmas Eve he called me over to the store- he said he was going to be closed for three days, and proceeded to empty out the meat shelves in two baskets, and he said Merry Christmas...and he GAVE this to us...Phyllis and I couldn't believe his generosity.

Dilly worked at the cash register, and both Phyllis and I loved her smile. As I went over to get a few things, I asked DILLY 'How are you?" and she looked in my eyes and quickly retorted "Do you really care?" most days I can say, I genuinely cared but on this tiresome day of caring I quickly said "no I don't" and she cashed me out and I went on my way.

It is one of those questions that is asked, even if we don't care. I continue to feel miserable following an incomplete biopsy...and people don't want to ask me that question! I should wear on my t shirt "ask at your own risk" and they know that if they ask me, I will tell them...and they will wish they hadn't asked.

Dilly taught me an important life lesson - don't ask if at that moment you are unable to listen and do so LISTEN. One resident here at the Towers was more straightforward -" those look like comfortable shoes, are they size 101/2 and continued "you look like hell can I have them when you're gone?" I smiled...