SPONGE

Phyllis once said to me, prior to her death "no one listens and cares as you do. The downfall is that you expect others to listen and care, and they don't and they won't. When my brother David died, my Great Aunt Caroline pulled me aside, and told me that it was my RESPONSIBILITY to hold the family together as my parents had suffered such a loss... I did as I was told, and listened to my parents'tears, many the night when I would come in the house and found my dad sitting listening to Hymns and sobbing. I sat silently with him..

I learned from mother and dad at a very young age, to listen not only with my ears, but with my heart. When my AUNT EDYTHE was angry at my father, or other members of the family, she would write long letters filled with anger and hatred. I just listened, and didn't tell her not to do it. I am grateful to my brother Philip for his loving care for my Aunt but also our parents.

When Dad was angry, he didn't tell Philip about it...even though I would tell him to tell him. Dad said that "he wouldn't understand but you do. And the sponge was at work...I have no one to blame but myself. But my ministry was NOT to tell them to quit taking their anger out on me, but I did it because I spared all the others. and the sponge started to fill up.

Sixteen years ago Phyllis died, and was told by several in the congregations that I Pastored, you should be able to handle this because you listen to everybody. And the sponge filled up, and I felt there was nothing left...Then I had the stroke, and dad, then Mother died...and; the sponge was saturated.

Phyllis was right, I listened and cared for everybody, and never said no...and now, there is the overwhelming saturation, and there is nothing left...Henri Nouwen said that people need to listen with their ears, and with their hearts/ not giving advice, but listening...I have only my feelings and my emotions left...and I weep alone...not wishing I had taken a different path, but just no one understands the way I feel, and the sponge is overflowing...and there is nothing left.